You deserve to let loose and party hard every now and then, especially if you’ve had a stressful week. Unfortunately, companies don’t necessarily think the same way. Drug tests are still mandatory for a lot of employers, even if marijuana is legal in 11 states. If you have an upcoming drug test, which is probably the reason why you ended up here, then you’ll be happy to know that there are a number of things you can do to pass it.
One of the things you can do is to go through a detox cleanse. There are many brands out there that provide reliable and affordable detox options; like Clear Choice for example. But the only downside to detox plans is that they usually take a lot of time. If you’re getting sprung with a surprise drug test you’re pretty much out of luck. Not only that, but they’re also pretty hard to find in your local stores and you need to stop taking drugs for a while for it to work properly.
So what if you smoked up just the other day and need a solution right now?
That’s where synthetic urine comes in! It’s the best choice when you’re short on time to prepare for your drug test. There are many brands out there that offer great synthetic urine products, and today we’ll be looking at a relatively new brand that’s been making waves in the underground drug test scene: Serious Monkey Bizzness.
In this article, I’ll be talking about Serious Monkey Bizzness’ most popular product Monkey Dong, a synthetic urine kit that comes with a urination device.
What Is Monkey Dong?
Monkey Dong is a synthetic urination device made by the guys at Serious Monkey Bizzness. While it’s obviously implied that you’ll be using their products for passing drug tests, for legal reasons, they actually market their products for people who use it for pranks or for fetish play.
The synthetic urine formula that comes with Monkey Dong is quite effective. It has the right amount of acidity, chemicals, and the right pH balance to pass off as real urine. Unfortunately, in this day and age, most mandatory company drug tests are supervised or monitored which means that you can’t just bring out your fake pee sample in a container.
Luckily, the guys at Serious Monkey Bizzness thought about this, too, which is why they made Monkey Dong! Now, I understand if you’re still feeling a little iffy about using fake pee for your drug test, especially if it comes with a fake penis. The consequences of getting caught using fake pee can be absolutely terrifying, and it takes a lot of balls to even try. So let me show you why Monkey Dong can put your mind at ease by making it much harder for you to be visibly caught cheating on your drug test.
The Monkey Dong Kit
It’s surprisingly easy to use the Monkey Dong! Even though it seems like it’s complicated to keep a fake penis in your pants, the Monkey Dong’s urination device is a breeze to use.
Another great thing about Monkey Dong is that it comes in different skin colors so that it’ll look more real! With six different colors, you can pick the fake penis that’s closest to your skin tone so that the person supervising your drug test won’t suspect a thing.
Here’s what’s inside the kit:
- Powdered synthetic Monkey Urine
- The strap-on fake penis
- Temperature strip
- A syringe to fill up the urination device
- Heat packs to keep your sample warm
How to Use Monkey Dong
Here are the steps you need to follow to use Monkey Dong:
- Prepare the synthetic urine by precisely following the steps written on the kit. Make sure that you do this correctly, or else you risk failing your drug test!
- Take the urinating device and open the exterior safety valve of the bladder.
- After preparing your synthetic urine, take the syringe and fill it up with the fake pee.
- Squeeze the tip of the dong and insert the syringe through the pee hole.
- Fill up the device with synthetic urine.
- After the device is full, close the safety valve to ensure that the fake pee doesn’t spill.
- On the day of your drug test, use the heat pad by attaching it to the bladder. This is best done an hour or so before your test.
- Attach the temperature strip to the bladder. If the temperature is at 96 to 100 °F, then your sample is ready (I’ll talk about why this is important later).
- Before going into your drug test, open the safety valve on the bladder.
- To release the fake pee, squeeze the tip of the urination device and fill up the collection cup.
And that’s it! The only thing you have to be really mindful of is the temperature of your pee. A lot of people fail their drug test because they forget that pee is supposed to be warm when submitted. Keep in mind that your pee is just as warm as your body, so it’s suspicious when the sample you submit is below normal body temperature!
To be specific, the temperature of fresh, authentic pee is at 96 to 100 °F, which is why it’s so important that you submit your sample at this temperature. If you don’t, those at the lab will know, and you’ll get caught for using fake pee to pass your drug test!
Monkey Dong Review -Does it Work?
If you’re nervous about going through a supervised drug test, Monkey Dong helps keep things super discreet! Not only does the fake penis look realistic, the synthetic urine is of good quality, too. I’ve tested it with a home drug test kit and found that the sample is actually surprisingly well formulated for a relatively new synthetic urine brand.
I think that the Monkey Dong is definitely better than most, especially when compared to other brands, like the Whizzinator. The Whizzinator is a popular fake penis product (it even has its own Wikipedia page) that basically has everything the Monkey Dong has except that it simply doesn’t work as well as the Monkey Dong does.
For starters, the Whizzinator actually leaks. Yeah, sure, it’s embarrassing for both you and the person supervising your drug test, but it can also put you at risk – a leaking penis is just not normal, so the person supervising your drug test might pick up on the fact that you’re using fake pee for your drug test.
Besides that, the Whizzinator has a noisy safety valve. Once you open it, it’ll automatically give you away to the person supervising your drug test. With the Monkey Dong, you don’t have to worry about that! Its safety valve is silent, so even if you open it with another person in the room, they won’t notice a thing.
The only advantage of the Whizzinator that I see is that it’s cheaper than most brands, selling at around $90. But that’s the thing: it may be cheap, but it’s risky and just not worth it. Monkey Dong, while pricier, is definitely safer, more reliable, and worth every penny!
In terms of the fake penis itself, the Monkey Dong is fantastic. But when it comes to its synthetic urine formula, it’s good, but it’s definitely not great. While it’ll pass most cheaper facility tests, extensive testing will probably reveal it to be inauthentic urine.
If you want a synthetic urine brand that will pass any drug test (as long as it’s the right temperature) you should look into Quick Fix. Quick Fix’s synthetic urine chemical composition is so intricate that it can pass any lab test, no matter how extensive it is!
They also sell their own line of fake penises called Piss Perfect and it comes in five different skin tones. The best part about them is that they do overnight shipping – if you’re in need of a quick fix (pun intended), order a kit for yourself at their website. It’s a bit pricier than Monkey Dong but trust me when I tell you that the quality of Quick Fix’s synthetic urine is top tier!
So, if you’re looking for an affordable fake penis Monkey Dong is the perfect choice for you. But if you want a synthetic urine product that can hold up to the rigors of extensive lab testing, then I would definitely recommend that you go with Quick Fix!